TeeBone: One Man Army

Reports are coming in from Iraq exposing the existence of a super-secret soldier named TeeBone. Apparently, TeeBone is a special ops soldier who wears a suit not unlike that of the popular Halo series hero, the Masterchief. One reporter from the region claims to have scored an interview with TeeBone. Here are some clips from the alleged interview:

Reporter: "So, TeeBone, how are you able to prosecute the war in Iraq so well?"

TeeBone, "Well, I have a direct linkup via my neural net to my friends and allies on internet message boards. They send me intelligence that enables me to destroy enemy targets with pinpoint accuracy. I am connected to these message boards at all times of the day and night."

Reporter: "What's with your suit? It seems rather high-tech, but why a pink suit?"

TeeBone, "Well you see, the pink color helps me get in contact with my feminine side. Before I take out targets, I usually get out my little vanity mirror and apply some lip gloss and eye liner. It helps me concentrate. I can change the color of the suit at will, but I really prefer pink."

Reporter, "What do you have to say about rumors that you have been infiltrating the Iranian border?"

TeeBone, "It's true. There is an underground transgender society in Iran and I am a regular visitor."

Following the interview, TeeBone disappeared into the desert and hasn't been heard from since. However, TeeBone continues to post on internet message boards under a number of aliases. We will update you with further developments on this mysterious figure.